coming clean

so i have realized in the last couple of days that my biggest fear is not ending up alone but that i wont be accepted for who i am. I know that it seems weird but its the truth. i have realized that i hide part of who i am because i don't want to be judged. i don't tell people, people i trust, everything because i am worried that maybe one of them wont love me after i come clean. i know that if they are my friends they will love me no matter what but some times it is hard to say the words to know and watch the reactions on their faces. i try my best to be judge free and i expect no less from my friends. so i guess the only thing for me to do is come clean with myself and then come clean with everyone else. so here it goes. i'm bisexual. i like both men and women. i can appreciate the wonderfulness that is both sexes. so that is the first truth. the second truth is that i am dating the most wonderful person. she is sweet, kind, and funny. when i am with her the rest of the world just melts away and the things that i have been afriad of seem to go away. the thrid truth is that while i am the happiest that i have ever been i still feel the darkness creeping in around the edges. its been a long time that since i have talked about the darkness but if i am going to be honest and come clean with myself than i have to be honest about the fact that i can feel it. i can feel the fact that if someone is knocked out of balance i will slip. i can feel myself slipping into the darkness. i know that i cant ignore what i am feeling but i have done so well at handling it in the past. i worry everyday that i will slip and the darkness that is clouding the edges will close in.

these are the three truths for now. maybe i will be able to be more truthful with myself later.