this thing called hate

i never realized how much i could hate. i spent ten years of my life in a house that i hate, with people that i hated. i thought that for the first time in ten years i was ok. i was over it but in a matter of hours all of the feelings that i had come back to me like the flood gates had been opened. it didnt take but two hours for me to be 14 again and feeling like i am a worthless person. thats was fast.
i showed up at the house where i used to live at about 6 p.m. the only person that was there was the women's father. i dont think he even recognized who i was until i addressed him. guess that shows how much he was in my life. i spent an hour with him waiting for my father to get home. oh and here is the topper to the cake its my youngest sisters birthday. so my dad calls me before he gets home and asks if i got her a birthday card. (yea right!) he gets home and i sign the card that he bought for me. (it said "its a card, an actual card, not a text, email, or phone call" biting no?) then he asked me if i got her a present (ha i am so sure) so twenty dollars comes out of my fathers pocket and into the card that he bought for me to give to her.
so then he starts making dinner. shrimp, lobster tails, potatos, salad. while thats cooking he goes up stairs to her room and starts setting up her present in her room that is painted as she liked (new flat screen lcd tv. side note- i still have the same two televisions that i bought for myself. one in highschool and one in college) when i lived in that room i couldnt paint. i could do a damn thing with out someone freaking out. my sister and her mother arent home yet but the tension inside of me is rising. i can feel it in me. so then........my sister and the women gets home. she says hello to me and that is all she has said to me since she got home at 8:25. so then we sit down to dinner and guess who i get to sit by. yep you guessed it. the woman. so i sit down first and what does she do. she has the gaul to scoot closer to her daughter and away from me.
do i smell or something. am i that horrible of a person that she doesnt want to sit by me! fucking shit thats crap. so then i help my sister put her candles on her cake and help her cut it and then help her serve it. all through dinner she does not say a damn word to me. does not ask me how kc is. does not say anything. i know nothing of polite conversation but i am pretty sure that not talking is not polite.
i want to yell and scream and tell her that she is a bitch but the "respect your elders" line is stuck in my head.
i didnt know that i could be so angry